Mother’s Day Sucks

Being a Mall Cop is incredibly satisfying.

In my first week’s work, I’ve:

  1. Rescued women from being assaulted in the parking lot (3)
  2. Helped a mother who’d locked her baby and keys in the car (1)
  3. Prevented thefts (14)
  4. Broken up fights in the Food Court (5)
  5. Returned forgotten purses and personal items (27)

Plus, I have a nifty electric mobility device that allows me to move through crowds with the swiftness of Hermes. It’s called a Segway. Totally genius. (Hephy, you’d love it!)

The one dark spot is that every store in the mall is promoting some kind of “Mother’s Day” special.

I don’t have a mother.

You’d think that after thousands of years, it would get easier. But it doesn’t. It still hurts when I think about the loss. Nothing fills the void.

Hera’s been a fantastic stepmother. I’ll always be grateful that she accepted me into the family when she married Zeus. She didn’t have to be so generous. I don’t know that my half-brothers and sisters can say the same, but I do think of Hera as a mom, and she’s treated me well.

But she’s not my mother.

Zeus likes to say that he’s my father and mother. The story he likes to tell over and over is that I sprang from his head fully grown, covered in armor and ready to kick ass.

But even the drunks in the pub know that’s half the truth.

The full truth?

I had a mother. Her name was Metis, goddess of wisdom. My father killed her. He turned her into a fly and swallowed her, taking her wisdom for himself. But she was already pregnant with me. So, I grew and grew until Zeus was ready to release me. Like everything he does, he had a hard time letting go, so I was in the oven a little too long. That’s why, when they finally cleaved his head open, I emerged fully grown.

I love my dad, but I will never forgive him for taking my mother from me.

That’s why Mother’s Day sucks.  

If you have a mother, please give her hugs and kisses and tell her you love her.

And if you’re motherless, like me? I love you. Come by Olympic Mall on Sunday, and I’ll give you hugs and kisses. Maybe I’ll even let you do some wheelies on my Segway.


Pallas Athena  

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Athena (Kristi Casey Sanders)

Athena (Kristi Casey Sanders)

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Kristi Casey Sanders is thrilled to give voice to Athena. Like the goddess of war and wisdom, Kristi lives a dual existence: Mother/business strategist by day and novelist during all those hours when she should be sleeping. She’s published history and business books, and has just completed her second sci-fi novel. In a past life, she helped found a rugby football club in New York City, got paid to perform improv comedy in Amsterdam, and broke the hearts of now-famous men. She’s a supporter of the #WritingCommunity and a frequent #vss365 contributor. Never give up. Never stop fighting. #YouGotThis
Athena (Kristi Casey Sanders)
Athena (Kristi Casey Sanders)

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  1. Dear Athena,

    Many of my children lament not having a father, and I’m sure I will hear plenty of whining come Father’s Day. Perhaps you could find camaraderie with them? On the other hand, people seem to think my kids are fairly screwed up. Maybe my kids will get over themselves and remember to celebrate me this Sunday. After all, I did all the work!

    These mortal rituals can toy with our godly emotions – but according to my social media research, many of them suffer through these holidays of forced commercialism as well. And our divine families are more complex and convoluted than even the most dysfunctional mortals.

    Look ahead to the Monday discounts for all the unpurchased Mother’s Day paraphernalia, we can share in some discount chocolate.


    • Nyx:

      I have my eye on just the chocolates! And out of the hordes of children you have, I’m sure you’ll have at least a few hundred to celebrate with (and Hypnos will definitely be there — he came by the mall and I helped him pick out a gift).

      Don’t listen to what “those people” say. We need sleep, dreams, death, old age, even discord and suffering, to show us how great the good times are. I love your kids: and not just the sweet ones (although you could make the point that only a mother could love a flesh-eating daemon like Euronymos). The Keres, especially, have been incredibly helpful over the years, cleaning up my battlefields. Who else can claim such a brood? You’re an amazing mother!

      See you Monday!


      Pallas Athena

  2. Athena,

    I find this thing you referred to as a Segway fascinating, though the claim of being as swift as Hermes I find doubtfull I made those winged sandals and nothing can match them. Please bring one back to the Pantheon when you return for a visit. I look forward to dismantling it. At least… once Grandma Gaia finishes her pouting fit and restores my primary forge to former glory.


    • Hephy!

      You are so literal, you make me LOL. Of course, nothing beats your handicraft, but you will LOVE the Segway. It’s like a narrow chariot that needs no horses.

      And sorry you lost your forge. But I’m glad you gave in and fixed her chair. (I thought the sunflower in your hair’s a good look for you too, but I get it: You’re a tough guy :p) It’s back up now, right?

      Pallas Athena

  3. I just see this story about Métis as a farther example of the selfish ways of the gods. Slowly, as you reintegrate into society, you won’t be able to stop your narcissism from showing. People today are much smarter than they were during the ancient times.

    Mall cops everywhere are uniting to track you down and stop you from soiling their names (and, no, they are not just helping me because they are afraid that I will turn them to stone)!

    • Medusa:

      I really wish we could be friends again. If I could give you back your golden hair, I totally would. What I did to you, I did without thinking. I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done. But I hope someday you will. You were always my favorite. And I acted like a total bee-atch. You have every right to hate me.

      By the way, nice try with the MCs. But … I’m the goddess of war, remember? A couple of Segways and a taser gun are no match for me. After I disarmed them, we all went for a drink at Ruby Tuesdays. I told them that you’re really very nice when you’re not acting like a homicidal maniac. They asked me to join their bowling league. You’re welcome to join, too. But if you come, wear a hat.

      Pallas Athena

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