= Physical Appearance =
Hair Color: N/A
Facial Hair: N/A
Distinguishing Features: N/A
= Family =
= Professions =
= Residence =
= Personal Information =
General Overview: N/A
Deity Nicknames: N/A
= Skills / Abilities =
Immortality – Technically immortal. Immune to the effects of aging, cannot die by any conventional means, and is immune to all known mortal diseases and infections.
Babble-speak – Can communicate in all languages and dialects.
= Possessions =
Normal Daily Wear: N/A
= Historical Synopsis =
= Introduction =
You got tickets to THE SHOW! You want to take your friend, but you want to take someone who’s loyal, someone you appreciate. Who do you bring? Ask your friends to help you move, and take the one that will help.
“But it’s a lie!” Your cricket sized conscious screams at you.
Find a good boot and squash Jiminy. The funny thing about lies, is that they can give you the truth. You tell your friends you have tickets to the show, and suddenly they love you. They’ve always had a special connection to you. They are the ones lying, not just to you, but to themselves.
This little anecdote reminds you of three things.
The first is that people are shallow. Zeus thought he was above this. Back in the day, you’d even call Him heroic. Now, we know just how shallow He was. I was the first to shove His hypocrisy in His face, to prove that he cared so much about appearances, that he didn’t even bother to look inside an offer of food. I’d say that put me on his bad side, but He never really liked me.
As a Titan, everyone thought I would fight with my father to stop Zeus, but I knew better. I remembered that Iapetus and His brothers stole creation from Uranus, just as Zeus would steal it from us. I knew then what I know now. All people think they’re righteous – the other point to my little story. See, Zeus didn’t like me not because I stood against Him. No, He didn’t like me because I DIDN’T stand against him. He saw my moral relativism as cowardice.
This brings me to the final point of my tale, you do what you will because of civilization. Why bring your friend with you at all? Why post pictures of you and your bestie? Just to give your secondary friends #fomo? No, the answer is civilization. The Olympians take credit for everything from your hangnail, to your tax returns. The Primordials fancy themselves the very words you write read. I am your true friend. The one who will tell you to take someone else to the show, because they make you happy. I gave you the fire of civilization, because I knew you would overthrow the Gods.
Now you have.
Zeus comes to you begging for worship like a husband looking for a blowjob from his menstruating wife. Tell him you have a headache and go back to living your life.
I can hear your tweets now, “if you hate Zeus, why are you helping him?” Hera asked me to, and you don’t say “no” to Hera. That and I literally have nothing better to do. I’m chained to a rock with an Eagle I named Koráki. It’s Greek for crow. Not the nicest of names, I know, but she’s eaten my liver for the past four hundred thousand years.
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