I know you must be confused by this, but a week being locked out of Olympus will change a God. I know you mortals will ask, “what’s a God doing at Coachella?” Well, let me rewind for you…
So, there I was sitting on the side of Olympus, kicked out of the Pantheon by Zeus all because I procrastinated getting a job. At first, I was pretty annoyed, but hey I could use a vacation from all the voices on the mountain. I packed my bags and hit up my bro Tartarus, “Road Trip.”
Who’s Tartarus? Yeah, not many mortals are familiar with him. Russ is one of the primordial, like my sister-wife Nyx or my sister Gaia and of course me.
~Side Bar~ Did you know Tartarus created the underworld? I helped him, of course, like I helped Nyx with her night. Everything needs a little bit of darkness, am I right. Then Hades came along. He was still a noob back then. He had all these big ideas, and Russ and I thought, what could it hurt to let Hades have a little control? Well didn’t that bite us in the ass? Hades and his big ego shoved Russ so far below, Zeus said Tartarus was as far beneath Hades as heaven is above the earth. And that’s why you never hear about my bro Russ. Hades looks after all the dead, while Russ has to imprison all the miserable fucks who are too evil to stay in Hades. All the monsters I created from darkness, all the criminal masterminds, they’re down there with him. ~
Where was I? Oh right, Russ and I were backpacking across one of the “hot” deserts of the mortals when we heard loud rumbling. At first, I thought it was Zeus throwing down another order, but then the racket became more intense. Bum tss bum tss bum tss. We dropped our bags and flew across the sandy land towards the bright lights. The loud sound wailed into the Nyx Sky.
We floated high above the crowd. What was this weird gathering of mortals? They all stood in a field thrashing their bodies to the loud noise coming from the dais they all stood in front of. Each one of them moving around, as if their bodies were independent of their minds; under the influence of what was in front of them. I wasn’t familiar with any new Gods these mortals could be throwing themselves at. The sign above the dais read Coachella. Who’s Coachella?
Then I looked over at Russ who was just as in awe as the mortals. This is madness! My anger soared, and the lights flickered low. I was going to cast a shadow over the crowd and stop this weird celebration. But as I looked around at all the sweaty mortals flailing their bodies back and forth swaying to the noises that came from the black box above them. Their mouths moving to the sound, I realized this must be the music all the other Gods kept referring to in the Pantheon.
That’s when the idea struck me. Or rather Zeus’ words played over in my head. Get a job, and you may return. I will lead this group of sweaty, rhythmic humans and become a God every mortal will bow before. I will be worshipped and followed and loved for the music I will play for these dancing fools.
I am DJ E. When I rock the mic, I rock the mic right!
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