Crash Into Me

Mortals, you may peruse this re-telling and mistake my Lord for a pussycat. That would be a colossal mistake, for he is no domesticated tom cat. He is God of the Seas, maker of earthquakes, and creator of floods. He is able to smite any mortal without lifting his trident. He has seduced beings that could decimate your fragile kind.

But his conquest of me was not so simple. It took more than virility, smolder, and raw power to claim yours truly. His beloved Delphine, the clever and beautiful dolphin, had to resort to trickery to get me to swallow the bait. And so, I continue my story here. What follows is the account of my return and seduction of the great Poseidon (Okay, so perhaps he wasn’t the only one seduced.).

I was ready to bite off the God’s head for the mistreatment of a precious sea creature. The idea that he would exile Delphine if she failed to bring me back to her master’s clutches filled me with an incredible rage I shoved down deep so as not to damage ocean habitats and reefs.

I stormed into Poseidon’s domain and his eye twitched. He looked unsure, which filled me with glee. “How dare you?” I walked up to him and slapped him across a chiseled jaw. “Ouch, you ogre!”

“You hit me!” he yelled incredulously.

“Are you made of stone, you monster?”

“It’s not like your bones can break, sea wench. Don’t be a baby.”

“Did you…don’t be a baby? I truly think I hate you.” I paced back and forth, trying to formulate a coherent argument. Why did I come back again?

“You’re so angry. Why are you here?”

This man made me speechless. He wanted me here! “You sent your creature to fetch me, you wretched beast. Unless your mind has become so addled with age and clogged with seaweed you already forgot.”

He turned to his servant. “I asked you to bring her back, but not like this.”

“My lord,” Delphine demurred. “I had to use unconventional methods. She is a stubborn one.”

“Right here. I can hear you.” I folded my arms and dosed them both with my famous withering glare, known to make grown merfolk cry.

“Call me if you need me, my liege. I am hungry. We came right here without stopping.” With that, Delphine scurried away, escaping to her family pod. I had no sympathy for the dolphin accomplice.

“You would have my dolphin starve in your hurry to return to me? Perhaps there is more emotion in you towards me than fierce anger, which I must say is incredibly sexy,” Poseidon smirked and leaned back in his throne, spreading his massive thighs, and kicking up a heel to rest on a knee.

The cocky scoundrel lounged upon an actual throne. The only other divine being I could imagine owning a throne was the rogue’s brother, the Thunder God himself. They were more alike than either would ever admit, and he wished to add me to his motley family?

“Whatever promotion you promised Delphine, vow it will be done. Now.”

“Promotion? She already holds an esteemed position within my treasured staff.”

“She…does? And if she didn’t return with me? What were your intentions?”

“I would have tried something else. What exactly did she say?”

Steam pooled around me and water vapor oozed from every pore on my body. I was incensed.  Very well, I would play out the mischievous game to its conclusion. “Great Poseidon, if Delphine is truly such a valuable member of your ocean staff, then surely she is worth a treasure bestowed on only the most select servants of the gods. A new constellation created in honor of her name.”

Poseidon growled and shifted in his seat. “You ask for much, my lady. One doesn’t go asking Nyx or Asteria for new constellations on a whim.”

“Is it a whim or a gift for your new mate?” I planned to push as hard as I could.

“Does this mean you accept my proposal?” He apparently planned to push back.

I prepared to dig my heels in. He had no idea who he was dealing with. “I do not know the terms of any proposal. A gift without strings to show your good intent.”

“Very well. I give my word. Consider it done. Now, my mistress, how shall we proceed?” he smirked and pursed sultry lips directed at me.

My cheeks flushed, which made me even angrier. “Lay out your terms, Olympian. What do you wish of me? Sex, children, a trophy wife?”

“You wound me. I realize it may be contrary to popular opinion, but I am not completely controlled by desire.” He thrust his trident down into the sand until it sank several inches and remained there, erect and ostentatious.

“We do not even know if we like each other or have anything in common.” I scowled at him and side-eyed the trident. He followed my eyes to the weapon.

“I once smashed a rock so hard with this, it created a saltwater spring near the Acropolis.” He nodded his head approvingly, reliving the memory, before returning a smoldering glance in my direction.

I raised an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to impress me? My Father is the Old Man of the Sea, an ancient shapeshifter with the power of prophecy.”

“Yes! Your father is a great man. He gave me his blessing, you know. He entrusted your care and protection to me.”

“I can protect and care for myself. I swam all the way to Atlas and survived for months. Alone. Surely if I need protection from anyone, it would be you.”

His brows creased. “I would never harm you.”

“You say that now, but what happens when it’s time for you to use the, um, trident, between your legs on me?”

He laughed. A full boisterous guffaw from deep in his belly erupted from his mouth. I puffed out an impatient breath and turned to leave. “Wait. Amphitrite, please. Your long life has been spent serving the ocean, preserving its precious secrets. You have never needed a mate or a friend outside of a lovely seal or loyal fish. I offer you myself. The intimacy and devotion of one of the first Gods. I want to know your heart and soul. I want to be the one you beat your fists against and then clutch in ecstasy. I would worship you as my Goddess if you accept.” His eyes bore holes into me, and I knew he was sincere. I didn’t know what to say.

“It is much easier to spar with you than speak of intimacy. I…do desire you. But I am afraid. Only grief comes from giving yourself to another. I have learned this from reading your family’s own histories. I would be a fool…” I shook my head.

“You will never know if you don’t try. If I speak untrue, may Zeus smite me down now where I stand.” A wind kicked up and lightning lit the skies far above us. A booming voice trickled down. I have heard your declaration, brother, and now you are bound by it. If the Nereid changes her mind, I will release you, but not until then.

I blinked numbly. “Was that who I think it was?”

“The bastard Himself. Now you can hear him, too, for better or worse.” Poseidon reached out his hand to me. I wasn’t ready to take it, but Delphine swam in just then and pushed me into him, darting off quickly.

“Devious creature,” I mumbled, stilling when I found myself in the Sea God’s lap. We were both seated on his throne. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I froze and then parted my lips slowly and kissed him back. This was different than kissing a sibling or dolphin. Butterflies flitted through my stomach, and a warm tingling rose and spread in places that had never been so hot. I won’t go into the specifics of our consummation, since it is not for the faint of heart. I will say that I swooned as he attacked the pink fortress and that doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch the first time wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. Being a Goddess has its perks after all. 

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Amphitrite (Shelly Teems)
Shelly Teems has been a blogger for over two years. She has been reviewing books at Goodreads since 2014, and is an aspiring novelist with many unfinished projects, including a vampire dystopia and a memoir. She has lived all over the United States and tip-toed through various jobs, such as soldiering in the Army, waitressing in New York City, working on a boat in Alaska, and is currently hiding out and playing with numbers in a cubicle. You can find her at grumpybookgrrrl.com and at Twitter (@grumpybookgrrrl). She is a member of the #WritingCommunity and supports her fellow indie authors.
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