I hear voices; yet, only see the fire. I move with the flames, dancing and reaching for the stars! This is the perfect night for becoming a light of the night, since white light contains every color on the spectrum and I am feeling EVERYTHING! The movement, the freedom; I am all…WHOA…I’m in the fire!
Wait a minute, allow me to rephrase that; I see myself in the fire, YET, it’s neither my body nor a reflection…the figure I face seems to be the spirit of Panacea. Holy crap?! Did I overdose on mushrooms? Am I dead?
Looking down, I can tell I still have a body; so, then why did she leave me? Did my debauchery destroy what we had?
They said I would see things. They even told me to be prepared for anything, but a self divided? No, I did not see this coming. Will this end, and if so, when? I know I cannot survive without my Goddess self intact!
Wait a second! This isn’t good, I’m getting way too worked up. My huffing and puffing is so intense, I’m afraid I might blow out the fire! Well, maybe not, and then again, that could be a good thing. I mean, at least I wouldn’t be able to see the damage I’ve done. OH, the guilt…
Hang on. Where did everybody go? I no longer hear anything but the crackle of the fire. Generally, I enjoy the silence, but not right now. Being alone with my current thoughts and this view of Panacea has me feeling every bit of discomfort as humanly possible.
As my breath settles, I notice her hand reaching for mine, inviting me to join her when she suddenly suggests I wait. Good thing! Nothing in me wants to be jumping into any fire now or ever! Quite frankly, I am super scared and wishing I could crawl out of my skin.
I no sooner have this thought when my Goddess self begins talking to me from her little hot spot. “Trust me, Panacea, there is no reason to be afraid; you are perfectly safe with me. Tonight is a special night. Because we agreed to experience this new moon ceremony, we’ve opened our ‘self’ up to explore the mysteries of life. While you, the mortal aspect of me, may be immune to disease and infections, you still have a human mind. This ritual you/we engaged in is the perfect opportunity to experience your humanity and what it means to heal.”
Waving my hands in confusion, I plead for more information, although, it doesn’t appear as if she understands these motions. So I use my words. “Excuse me?! What did you just say, and what the heck does that even mean?”
Nodding at me, she proceeds to talk about the rigidity of the mortal mind. “In many ways, humans have boxed themselves into very narrow ways of thinking and equally restrictive actions. Fluidity and flexibility are nearly non-existent. Even in the short time that we’ve been back, I’ve noticed a few limitations developing within you. While you are well-intentioned and have positioned yourself to serve those seeking assistance, I need you to be fully living my teachings, not just speaking them.”
I’ve been a demi-goddess since the day I was born! Why now? I thought we had a pretty good gig going on! I mean…seriously, is someone pranking me and pretending to be my immortal self, OR am I really experiencing my very own Eleusinian Mystery? Speaking of which, where is everybody? I know I’m repeating myself, and I find it weird. Twelve mortals don’t just vanish. Did they actually leave the ceremony, or have they tripped off into the darkness as it seems I have?
All of my life I’ve wondered why I could see everyone else and never me; now, all I see is me. Despite all the panic and resistance, I also feel excited (did I mention feeling everything?). What am I excited about? This adventure! So, now I get to choose: continue resisting this experience, OR embrace it and have fun with it?!
As it is, this new moon is all about rebirthing myself, so I say, let’s do this! Would it be cliché of me to say, let go and flow? My apologies if it does; yet, allowing the excitement has me feeling a bit giddy and curious. What does my Goddess self have in store for me? What is it she wants me to learn? What do I need to do to improve upon in myself so that I am truly walking the talk?
Turning around to find her, I notice her walking towards a copse of juniper and cedar trees. Is she leaving me? Nooooo…don’t go there! She wanted me to join her. It just so happens we’re not used to talking to one another as separate beings. I guess for now, I should follow her lead and hope that part of our “lesson” is communication.
Catching up to her, I hear voices. Looking through the trees, I actually see her chatting with a couple of spiders…eye to multiple eye; although, I can’t quite make out all that’s being said with the exception of one word “contrary”. Who’s being difficult? Surely, not the Goddess Panacea! The only way to find out is to join them.
I never imagined myself talking to spiders and yet, these are the first two living things I’ve seen for hours. I can hardly wait to meet them…thank you, mushrooms!
Here’s to being a light in the night…
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