Hello, my sweet little mortals. I do hope y’all are in good spirits and eating well. I’m finding it a bit difficult to fit into this new world. I don’t do well in heavily populated areas. I’m more of an ass-in-the-dirt kinda gal. But Baby Brother has decreed that we gods need to be united in our bid to become relevant again and that means hanging out at the Admin building.
I know my sweet little nephew, Hephaestus, is running his little tail off trying to get all the new fixtures in place, so I guess my little diner is just going to have to wait. If it were up to me, my place would be on the outskirts of town where I could grow all my ingredients in the back. I don’t know how Baby Brother expects me to provide my patrons with the finest foods, if I can’t grow them myself. Can you believe he actually told me to go buy them from a super market?
Let me tell y’all about my little trip to this thing y’all call a “Super Market”. I decided to head over there this morning, just to see what all the fuss was about. I have to admit that I was thrilled to see all the lovely fruits and vegetables lined up so nice and neat. Why, there was produce from all around the world. I was truly amazed and so proud of all my little mortals.
I thought a nice little salad would be just the thing to make my day complete. I picked up a couple nice looking cucumbers, some plump little tomatoes, a head of lettuce, a couple very large mushrooms, and an avocado. But you want to know what I couldn’t find? Olives. I looked all over that place and couldn’t find a single olive to save you mortals souls. I had to ask some young thing who didn’t look like he was old enough to be away from his mama’s bosom.
He led me to another section of the market and showed me some small, glass amphora filled with green olives. Next to those, he showed me several metal containers filled with black ones. Now who, in their right mind, would put these tasty morsels in metal containers? He did, however, show me several more glass containers filled with olive oil. That made my day. And so did he. Cute little thing. Kinda reminded me of my first love, Iasion. Well at least until Baby Brother slammed a thunderbolt through the poor thing’s head.
Anyway, I took all my goodies back to the apartment Little Sister said I could use until Hephy gets my place finished. I cut up all my yummy morsels, threw them all together, drizzled a little olive oil over the whole thing, and salivated in anticipation of that first…WHAT IN THE NAME OF SULFUR SPRINGS IS THIS CENTAUR SPIT?????
This was some of the worst “fresh food” I’ve ever put in my mouth. The cucumbers were bitter. The tomatoes had no flavor whatsoever. And the olives had so much salt on them, the true flavor was gone. And the worst thing? I had to call my sulfur-sniffing son-in-law to come up and show me how to get into those metal things to get at the black ones. How do you mortals survive on such drivel?
I’m not sure if Baby Brother was really trying to help me or if this was one of his little jokes. One thing I am sure of is that this crap isn’t fit to serve to Cerberus. My, oh my. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
1,633 total views, 3 views today